In the beginning, there was nothing but darkness. And God said, “LET THERE BE LIGHT”. And I said “TURN OFF THAT LIGHT! I’m trying to sleep here! Asshole”. And on that day, God shut his mouth and left pissed off.
I had a knack for writing fiction. I was a bad liar, but I was good at making believable truths. My classmates back in elementary needed to write short stories, pronto. I was approached by the fools.
“Write for us”, the fools said.
“We’ll pay you cash”, the fools added.
“Sure”, I said. And thus, the Ghostwriter was born.
My adventures were recorded, but sources were still dubious. Twitter served as my daily adventures, while my other blog was the bad made for TV movie the executive producers decided to make to rake in more cash. I kept on ghostwriting. I started to draw. I then forgot how to draw. Then I relearned how to draw. I also take photographs. Go to deviantART. Search for ~hushmyst. Those few photographs were mine. Then, I just stopped doing things.
And on the third day, He rose again to use the Holy Toilet of Heaven. Then, He went back to bed and continued to watch TV
I got bored. Life went nowhere. Life was stuck like a car crashing into a tree. It was about to go ablaze. No, not in a good way. The gasoline tank was leaking. The battery made sparks. The exhaust fumes were seeping in. Life was about to go out in a blaze of fucktastic glory. Then, Yu-Gi-Oh saved my life.
David took a smooth stone from his pocket, and melted it in his spoon and inhaled the fumes. Goliath wanted some of that stuff, and David began freaking out. He was having a bad trip.
I began fighting the Grand Ceiling Invasion. The Ceilings were about to take over. They were everywhere. They were in our houses. In our schools. In every building known to man. They were everywhere. THE SKY IS A GIANT CEILING! They were everywhere. Even worse, they took the Squirels with them. This unholy alliance was my enemy. THEY WERE EVERYWHERE, FUCK DAMN IT!
And behold, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse! They thought it was an awesome band name. The War was on lead guitar, Pestilence was on bass, Plague was on vocals and Death banged the drums. They were fucking awesome.
I learned to play guitar with a little help from my friends. Basic stuff. Beatles. Chuck Berry. The Ramones. Simple four chord songs.
Did I forget to mention I learned harmonica first? Yeah, I learned to play harmonica first. Blues, folk, stuff you won’t expect to hear from a guy like me.
I continued blogging. I continued tweeting. I continued living.
AND THOSE GOD DAMN SQUIRELS WILL NEVER GET MY NUTS!